We’re both in our early 40s, which means that when Toronto got its basketball team we were teenagers, so the mere fact that the Toronto fucking Raptors are hosting the dynastic Golden State Warriors in the first game of the NBA Finals tonight is insane crazy Driving Ms. Daisy and yet, no amount of pinching is waking either of us up. This postseason has been real, and spectacular.
It’s also been a bit weird and unpredictable.
OKC getting taken out by Portland, who beat them every time they faced during the regular season? Portland dusting Denver without Jusuf Nurkić and despite Jamal Murray t a k i n g t h e s t e p? Houston putting up less of a fight than they did last year against a shorthanded Warriors squad (which may lead to a prospective franchise blow-up)? Boston looking awfully good for a game against Milwaukee before imploding spectacularly? People finally cluing in to the fact that Kyrie Irving isn’t a leader? The greatest shooter of all time, Steph Curry, losing his shot for what seemed like forever? Danny Green doing so for forever and a day? Milwaukee, which hadn’t lost three games in a row all season, losing four straight to Toronto? Fred VanVleet (Sr.) hitting 82.4% of his 3s in Games 4, 5, and 6? Kawhi Leonard playing like a Monstar (on one leg no less) and becoming the mayor of Philadelphia and Milwaukee simultaneously? That’s some utter wildness, no?
Anyway, as we’ve made no effort to hide our Raptors fandom over the first few issues of Oddball, we shan’t do it here. As such, here are our predictions for this series:
Jonathan: Steve Kerr will smash at least one whiteboard, Draymond Green’s foot will somehow meet Kyle Lowry’s injured thumb, Kevin Durant will play fewer than three games, Danny Green will rediscover his shot, Kawhi Leonard will win Finals MVP.
Dave: American media will write lots of paint-by-numbers Toronto explainers. Canadian media outlets that normally don’t give a fuck about basketball or the Raptors will awkwardly try to glom on to the moment in that gross “how do you do, fellow kids?” way. Internet jabronis will bitch about Drake. Kevin Durant will play in Game 2 and in every subsequent game — but so will OG Anunoby. Danny Green will rediscover his shot, and, in so doing, stretch the floor in a way that allows guys like Serge Ibaka and Pascal Siakam to fuck shit up down low. Kevon Looney will get overmatched. Andrew Bogut will try to hurt a Raptor. There will be a “Klay Thompson game” but there will also be a “Kyle Lowry game.” Kawhi Leonard will achieve his first-ever triple-double and will win Finals MVP.
Quotable Notables
— Noted Raptors hater and famous Brooklyn Net Paul Pierce decided he’d tempt fate after Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals
Harmon Quizzebrew
Joey Gallo became the third-fastest player (and the fastest-ever American League player) to hit 100 home runs, doing it in his 377th game. Which two players got to 100 home runs in fewer games?
You down with NPB?
Carter Stewart was drafted in the early first round by the Atlanta Braves in 2018. When he didn’t pass his physical after the Braves found some damage in his wrist ligaments (he says it was from a childhood skateboarding accident, which, if so, is rad), the Braves offered him way less than what an eighth-overall pick normally gets. Stewart didn’t sign.
Stewart spent this past season at a junior college to be eligible for the 2019 draft, but it now looks like that’s no longer the case, because he signed a six-year, $6 million deal with the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks of NPB. What this means for Stewart: no riding buses through the backwaters of America; no earning below minimum wage for (at least) three years before reaching the majors; and being able to hit true free agency at age 25 (most good MLB players will reach free agency around age 29-30).
At this stage it’s hard to say if this is a viable and/or preferable route for high-level prospects, given that it happened after the Braves flagged some injury concerns, but it’s certainly an interesting alternate path to the major leagues, and it says something about how perceptions about the quality of overseas leagues like NPB are changing.
Meet the Mess, step right up and greet the Mess
Mets outfielder Yoenis Céspedes broke his ankle while hanging out on his ranch. It’s not clear what happened, other than that he stepped into a hole (which, to be fair, is more or less what he would have been doing by being on the Mets’ active roster). Céspedes has had surgery to repair multiple fractures, and is likely out for the year.
Player contracts often have clauses that forbid certain extracurricular activities (e.g., motorcycling, pickup basketball). The Mets front office could potentially move to rescind the contract (of which about $50 million remains), if it’s found that Céspedes violated the terms.
If that happens, the agent who represented him for that contract would stand to forfeit a chunk of their commission. As it turns out, the agent who negotiated that contract is none other than current Mets GM Brodie van Wagenen, formerly of CAA Sports.
Hit the links
Runners diving through the finish line to (try to) win races is always good
NFL teams trying to raid the Deepwater Horizon settlement fund is never good
LeBron James’s sons and Dwyane Wade’s son are taking their talents to the same high school to play basketball together
Embattled Lakers GM Rob Pelinka made up a story that’s incredibly easy to disprove
Embattled Lakers GM Rob Pelinka may well be a hell of a drug
Embattled Lakers GM Rob Pelinka has probably met Blazers guard CJ McCollum, who called Skip Bayless out (and kept going here, and here) for being the saltiest Saltine who ever sodiumed in Kawhi Leonard’s general direction
A peregrine falcon born in Kitchener, Ontario has been named Kawhi, and has been banded to ensure he stays in Ontario long-term and can be (load) managed
Netflix doesn’t want Canadians to watch Netflix tonight because #theythenorth
Jonathan appeared on the Confederacy of Dunks podcast, which you should listen to, even when one of us isn’t on it
Harmon Quizzebrew: Answer
Ryan Howard (325 games), Ralph Kiner (376 games)
Be the Nav Bhatia you wish to see in the world
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