Nolan Arenado is stupid
It would be supremely funny if the Cardinals missed the playoffs by one game (and now that we have spoke it into existence, it will for sure happen)
Quickly:
The Canadian Women’s National hockey team has jumped into the fray in re: Hockey Canada’s sexual assault slush fund and the continuing presence of sexual assault and rape in hockey culture — and not a moment too soon. Carlos Rodón was upset, so he kicked a bat and hurt his teammate. There are rumblings that Carmelo Anthony will sign with Golden State. Future HOFer Julio Jones will now be catching passes thrown by future HOFer Tom Brady. Former Laker and current good guy Slava Medvedenko is auctioning off his championship rings to help Ukrainian kids. The Thunder just hired the best shooting coach in the NBA, so maybe there’s hope for Josh Giddey’s abysmal shooting from distance. Blue Jays fans are straight-up crushing hot dogs on Tuesdays. Panthers All-Pro Christian McCaffrey is bougie.
— DJ
#raferquestion
Today is July 27, i.e. 7/27, and your hint isn’t a hint at all. We’re just going to use those numbers to some end in the questions. Beat that with a stick.
Among active players, Mike Trout is 7th in career homers (334 as of this writing, one behind Robinson Canó) and Aaron Judge is 27th in career homers (196, one ahead of Eric Hosmer). Between the two of them, what four counting stat categories (i.e. not rate stats like batting average) have they led the entire Majors in over the course of a full season?
The Toronto Maple Leafs have retired #7 and #27 to honour four individual players. Name three of them.
Among active NBA players, the same guy who is 7th in career rebounds is also 27th in career assists. Barring a capital crime or significant scandal, he is a lock for the Hall of Fame. Name him.
Three NFL quarterbacks who only wore the #7 have more than 35,000 career passing yards. Two are not in the Hall of Fame. Two have won MVP awards. Two have won the Super Bowl. Name all three.
Answers from last week’s issue
An early first-round pick in the NFL draft and a member of the University of Colorado Athletic Hall of Fame’s 2016 class and the College Football Hall of Fame’s 2020 class, what retired wide receiver caught Kordell Stewart’s famous “Miracle at Michigan” pass in 1994?
Michael Westbrook was drafted fourth overall in 1995 by the Washington [redacted] and aside from the “Miracle at Michigan” is probably most famous for beating the fuck out of teammate Stephen Davis. For years, the story was that Davis called Westbrook a “homo” and Westbrook took umbrage. Westbrook himself suggested that the insult was that he was soft, but in doing so suggested that he went goblin mode on Davis because his masculinity was (is?) as fragile as a Franklin Mint souvenir plate.
Only four active NBA players who played their college hoops at the University of Colorado have scored more than 1,000 regular season NBA points. One is Andre Roberson, who didn’t play in the NBA last year. Name two of the other three.
You win if you picked any two of Alec Burks (6,649 points), Spencer Dinwiddie (5,042), and Derrick White (3,027). Unfortunately, if you have Alec Burks on your actual team, you will not be doing much actual winning.
Staying with Burks, I cannot help but notice that while his Twitter account seems to have been made when he was still at Colorado (peep the jersey number and the account creation year), his Instagram account (peep the jersey number, but then look at the first picture) was likely made when he was playing for Cleveland, but the username was probably changed when he got traded to Sacramento and wore #13 for the only time in his pro career. Ironically, Burks played exactly 13 games for the Kings. This has been Alec Burks trivia hour, please tip your servers.
Tied for ninth on the Colorado Rockies’ all-time list for career triples with 27 are two active players, both of whom have been All-Stars and neither of whom currently play for the Rockies. Who are they?
Cardinals third baseman Nolan Arenado and Red Sox second baseman Trevor Story are the former Rockies we were looking for. You may have already read that Arenado (as well as Paul Goldschmidt and Austin Romine) didn’t make the trip to Toronto with most of the rest of the Cardinals because they’re unvaxxed. “I was hopeful they would get rid of that ban and go to something like what we have,” said Arenado, who is apparently one of many Americans who do not understand that THE UNITED STATES HAS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING POLICY.
Before they became the New Jersey Devils, they were (also) the Colorado Rockies, and in their last season as the Rockies, they had, on their roster, a player who would end up in the NHL Hall of Fame. Name him.
That man’s name is Lanny McDonald, he is your real dad, and you will show him some goddamn respect.
#postscript
RIP Rashard Anderson, Dwight Smith, and Ducky Schofield (whose son, Dick and grandson Jayson Werth you might be familiar with).
Many thanks to streetball legend Rafer Alston for being named his name and to you for being named your name, unless your name is Matt Gaetz, who said yet another disgusting thing out loud recently. Thankfully, he got absolutely bodied by teen activist Olivia Julianna and downright ethered by Mike Pence’s former chief of staff Marc Short.
Until next week, be the Ezequiel Carrera you wish to see in the world.
DJ/JY